my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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