The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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