I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
