I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
