theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
