THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
