Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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