I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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