All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
The Olympian is in my bed
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
