Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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