worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
