I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
