I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
