Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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