When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
