I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
