All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
