It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
