I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We had sex on a dog bed..
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
