Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
His hands were made for my vagina.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
