They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
