Kareoke will never be a sober sport
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
