The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
