just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
