i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
