I will die if light touches me.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
