how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
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