You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
