I skipped work to stalk him.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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