Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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