I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You can't motorboat a personality
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I touched a dick in church today
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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