I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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