and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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