wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
