Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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