Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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