Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
