Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
