Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
