its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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