I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
