i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
