i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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