This girl is more easily done than said...
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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