We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
