we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
