I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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