New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
operation have a gay friend backfired
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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