oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
