I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
