I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
