Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
